To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I
find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!